Lovin' Life, Livin' the Dream

Home sweet home

2008-04-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

I am back in SC!! Thank you, Jesus, my dad and I had safe travel. We actually got into Greenville about 30 minutes earlier than we were supposed to. Thank you for all the prayers. It has been so good spending time with my family and David. But I'm not done posting on the blog yet. I know I still have a lot to learn from my time in Honduras, even though I'm back in the states. So more to come...

Coming back to SC

2008-04-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

I am coming back to SC for good this Saturday. It has been a hard year, but the past month has particularly worn on me. I am so worn down emotionally and spiritually, and it's now affecting me physically. This has been an awful decision to make- I am leaving my kids without a teacher for the last 2 months of school- but I have to take care of me. I need to be back in Greenville with my family and David and my friends. I can't get healthy here. Please pray for me this week. I talked with all the administration at the school today. They are supportive and understanding, but this is also a burden to them. They know I need to be with my family though. I am meeting with my kids' parents tomorrow morning. That is going to be difficult, but all I can do is be honest. I hope they will understand. My dad is flying down here on Friday, and we are going to fly back to SC together on Saturday. Please pray for safe travel for my dad on Friday. And please pray for us to have a safe trip back to SC on Saturday. I am having bad fears again about flying. We leave here about lunch time on Saturday, get into Houston mid-afternoon, and Greenville about 10:30 that night. I am so ready to be with my family and David. Thank you for all your prayers. See you in SC...

Updates

2008-03-08T06:39:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to update you on a few things. First of all, Andrieske is doing so much better. She had the flu and an infection, but she's on medication. Thanks for praying for her.

Also, I'm now going home this Tuesday, March 11. I'll miss a few days of school, but I have decided that's what is best for me to do. I need to be around my family for a few extra days. I am so ready to be home! I know it'll make me a better teacher when I get back here. Please continue to pray for me. Satan is still throwing some fear and sadness at me, but it's nothing like it was. It is so comforting to know that I am being lifted up in prayer. Also pray for safe travel for me on Tuesday. I leave Honduras about noon and get into Houston mid-afternoon. Then I'll leave Houston for Greenville about 7 that night and get into Greenville around 11. Thank you so much for praying for me. I need them right now! I haven't completely felt like myself this last week, but God is slowly lifting the fog and re-filling me with His hope and faith.

one more prayer request...

2008-03-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your prayers. And now one more! I wrote last time to pray that Satan wouldn't cripple me with fear anymore and that I would trust God more than I ever have before. Well, I woke up about 5am Monday morning terrified about flying home next Saturday. Satan has been flinging fears at me constantly since then. It's consumed me at times. I know God is allowing Satan to do this to increase my trust in Him. I've been wrestling with it and trying to learn from it. I am learning from it, but it's still a burden on my shoulders. Please pray that God would give me peace and that I would trust His sovereignty. And please pray for safe travel for me next Saturday, March 15. I'm leaving San Pedro Sula at 8:15 South Carolina time. I fly into Houston mid-morning. I have a long layover in Houston and don't leave for Greenville until about 7 that night. David and I are both flying back to Honduras the following Friday, March 21- so you can pray for safe travel then too. Actually, you can pray that all of my flights between here and the US are safe for the rest of my time here. :) I have never wrestled with something like this before, and it scares me. But I know that God is good.

a couple prayer requests

2008-03-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a good week. God is showing me more and more how I've allowed Satan to just cripple me with fear this year. And He's slowly breaking down that wall of fear I've put up. Praise Him for that! First prayer request- that Jesus would completely knock down every fear I have and help me to trust Him more than I ever have before.

Second prayer request- One of my roommates has been really sick for the last week. The symptoms seemed kind of like malaria to me. She thought she had the flu. She just kept getting worse. The doctor from the clinic actually came over last night to see her. She went to the hospital this morning to have a bunch of tests done. The doctor mentioned scarlet fever and dengue, but he wasn't sure. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and healing for her. Her name is Andrieske (Ahn-dree-es-kah). I'll let you know how the tests go.

Another of my roommates is a Buddhist. She has the most beautiful servant heart. She's been in the peace corp and lived all over the world. She's had some really cool experiences. She tells me that one day she'll end up in a Buddhist monastery in India, but she's not ready to do that yet. She loves being around people. And she loves to help anyone and everyone however she can. The goal of Buddhism is to reach nirvana, and you cease to exist when you reach that point. You won't be reincarnated anymore. I think she knows she should go to the monastery and live the rest of her life meditating in solitude to reach nirvana, but her heart doesn't want to. That's my opinion anyway. I also hope it's because Jesus has something more in store for her. Please pray for her that God would move in her. And that I would be bold in talking more about my faith with her.

Coming home in 2 weeks for spring break. I get to try on wedding dresses! Woohoo!!! :)

If You Want Me To

2008-02-17T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have kind of come to the conclusion that just me and Jesus are going to have church together this year. Still haven't found a church to call home. But He's all I need, even though I miss some good fellowship like crazy a lot of days! I've been reading a little this morning, and I was listening to this radio station online. A song came on that I used to love, but I hadn't heard it in a long time. The words took on a whole new meaning and the tears started pouring. They weren't sad tears- they were those pure and cleansing tears when you know your heart is just crying out to Jesus and He is responding. I want to share the lyrics with you. It's called "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens.

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to

Interesting (and sometimes funny) moments

2008-02-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep tonight. I don't know why. I feel like I drank a bunch of caffeine even thought I didn't. I've been laying in bed thinking of all the interesting experiences I've had in Honduras. Here are some of the ones I've been thinking of, in no particular order...

* It was Christmastime and I was talking with my kids about Jesus being the real present we get. One of my little boys immediately responded that he did not want Jesus as a gift. What do you say to that? :)

* Bodily fluids of 4 year olds. I've learned all about them. It was at the end of the day, and we were lining up to leave. One of my kids said the floor was wet. I look down and the little boy in front of him had peed all over the floor! Just stood there and peed. The bathroom was a few steps away. And it was A LOT of pee. Another time I had one projectile vomit chocolate milk all over the floor- 2 times- before I could get him to the bathroom. 2 of my girls were reading on the rug. They hopped up and ran over with their books to fan it. Absolute chaos. Sorry if that's too much info- I think I've become numb to it. I just put on my little gloves and get out the antibacterial cleaner and go to work!

* Sometimes when my kids need to go to the bathroom they say "yo quiero hacer..." (I want to make...). One of my little boys went through a spell where he told me just about every day "yo quiero hacer poo poo." That made me laugh. Then one day I went to the bathroom. This same boy followed me in and stood right outside the stall door. I could see his little feet on the floor. He asked me "que va a hacer?" (what are you going to make?) That really made me laugh! He wouldn't leave until I answered.

No more bodily fluid stories now, I promise.

* Last week we lost power and water in the whole school for a couple hours. 28 four year olds in a kind of dark and really hot classroom. That was a long day. I took a nap when I got home.

* I was in the shower the other morning and my shower head started smoking and shot sparks out of the top of it. I've never gotten out of the shower so fast in my life!!

* I was riding in a taxi one time and the back door flew open when we turned. Yikes. Then there was the time I was riding in a bus (an old school bus from the states- they use them all over the place here for public transportation). I looked down and there was hole all the way through. I could see the road. I was glad that I wasn't on that bus for long.

* I was home for a couple weeks over Christmas. I left my toilet seat up so mold wouldn't grow in it. I looked in it when I got back and there were all these tiny little black worm things swimming around. Again, I got out my disinfectant and went to work. Sometimes little green chunks also come out of the faucet. NEVER drink the water.

* We have pigeons that are always above the landing of our stairs at the volunteer house. They poop an incredible amount. It gets all over the landing of the stairs. It's a feat to get to the 2nd flight of stairs without stepping in it! And they still live in the roof. I wake every morning to their cooing and little feet running above my head.

* They have ice cream "trucks" here. It's a man on a bike with a big cooler attached to the front. He rides around ringing a bell every day. I started hearing that bell late at night and early in the morning. I knew the ice cream man wasn't selling ice cream at 5am. I recently discovered it's the security guy that I was hearing. The house across the street from ours has a security system. I don't mean the one where you punch in the code when you walk in the door. It's a man that rides around on a bike 24/7. When he rings his bell, it's his way of saying I checked your house!

* Ants are everywhere. In the food. Crawling on the walls. In my bed. When something itches on me I no longer just scratch it. I immediately look for the ant too.

* We have a washing machine here at the house. It's a little moody, and I usually have to switch it myself into the final spin cycle. Everyone did their laundry all day last Saturday, and it was working fine. I got up first thing Sunday morning and put my laundry in. I turned it on...no water. Maybe 2 drips. I fought with it. I crawled around the back- not that I knew what to look for. I finally gave up and filled a little trash can up a bunch of times to fill it to wash. Then I did it again to rinse. That was fun! I just kept saying, Jesus make me thankful for what we have. I could be washing my laundry by hand!! Turns out a lever had been switched off when someone was cleaning back there. Oops. But at least we have a washing machine. And a house to put it in. And power and water to make it run.

Ok, I think that's it for now. I know there are a lot more stories that I'm not thinking of right now. It's so funny to think back on them. Good times ;)

Changes

2008-02-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

Don't have any earth-shattering news, but I just felt like writing a quick post. This is a record for me- 3 posts right in a row! It may never happen again. :) Thanks for the encouragement and thanks for the prayers. My perspective is slowly changing. I've been here long enough now to be able to look back and see where I was the first few months I was here. That was tough. But God has been so faithful to bring me through it all. I thought about coming home so many times, but He carried me through it. And I'm sorry that this blog has been so much about my struggles with adapting, instead of about the beauty and heartache of the people in Honduras. I am such a selfish person, so worried about myself, when I'm surrounded by people here that have needs much greater than mine. God is giving me glimpses of that. It makes me feel ashamed sometimes. I'm thankful for those glimpses. I hope I get them more and more and more. These last few months are going to fly by. On one hand, I can't WAIT to be home. On the other hand, I want to soak up everything that I can before I leave. I may never get this chance again. I'm coming home for good at the end of June. It's going to be wonderful to be back in SC, and I have so many memories to take with me for the rest of my life. Some of them are better than others...but what an awesome thing that God has allowed me to live a year of my life here. Sometimes a year feels like forever. Sometimes 5 more months here feels like forever!! But when I think about it in comparison to the rest of my life, or to eternity, this is nothing. I'm so thankful for what He's given me.

When I get back to SC I'll probably spend a month at home, and then the plan is to move to Charleston. Even though a piece of my heart will always be in Columbia, I'm so excited! David's taken a job in Charleston, and I've been looking at elementary schools. It's going to be so much fun to start our lives together there. After being apart for so long, I hope I don't take a second of it for granted. We're hoping to get married next spring- probably late March/early April.

This is a quote from an awesome book I've been reading called the Irresistible Revolution- "Over and over, when I ask God why all these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet." Wow.

Life in SPS

2008-01-26T16:13:00.000-08:00

I was just looking at the name of my blog...how ironic! When I made it (before I got here), I was so excited and thinking that I was living my dream. I know I'm living God's plan, but the dream hasn't quite been what I thought it was going to be. Please continue to pray for my attitude and boldness in my faith. I've been here for 7 months- I can't believe it's been that long! Craziness. I'll be home in about 5 months. Some days I feel like I have failed in my faith. I feel like I haven't been bold enough. I think, if only I'd made myself a little bolder! But that's wrong. My faith will never grow if I try to do it on my own. Falling on my knees before Jesus is the ONLY way it is going to grow. Pray that I would do that every day because there are a lot of days that I don't. David gave me this book called Trusting God. There's a line in it that just grabbed my heart. It says "God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about." It doesn't matter how many times I think I've failed. It doesn't matter how many days I break down in tears of frustration. God's will is being worked out. And I pray that He's being glorified every day in my life, even when I feel like I'm not living my life in a God-glorifying way. This has been hard!! And all I can do is surrender. All I can do is say, "Jesus, help me!" Thank you everyone SO MUCH for all of your prayers. You are all amazing, and my time here has shown me how much your friendships mean to me (even though I'm horrible at keeping in touch)

So anyway...life in SPS. Sometimes I feel like this is such a place of contradictions. I live a few blocks from the bordo, an area where people live in complete poverty with no running water. It's a really unsafe area. As I walk to school every morning, I pass by an internet cafe in the middle of a row of houses. You can use the internet and pay to play their playstation II. This internet cafe is on the same road that the families from the bordo ride down every day in their horse-drawn cart to collect garbage. They ride up and down the road yelling "basura, basura" (trash). You pay them about 10 lempiras to take a bag (approx. 50 cents). We did this for awhile, thinking we were helping these families earn a little money, until we learned that many of them take the trash and dump it in the river. So what do you do? Help the family earn money while they're really hurting Honduras in the long run? And I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to see a little boy or girl sitting in the back of the cart with the trash. They have no thought to the dangers of sitting in a bunch of trash. That's a way of life for them.

Our school literally backs right up to the bordo. I can see the roofs of their shacks and smell the "bordo smells"- they also burn the trash- and sometimes it STINKS. It's ironic to welcome my kids every morning from their nice cars and wealthy parents (by Honduran standards) when there are kids on the other side of the wall that don't even go to school. The girls' home recently got a couple new girls. They had NEVER been to school. And one of them was 12 years old. Can you imagine being 12 years old and never having been to school before? Education is power. Knowledge is power. Some days I wish I was teaching the bordo kids. But someone told me that I am teaching the kids that can really change Honduras- they will have the money and the education. It's so crazy to think of one of my little four year olds changing Honduras. I hope that will happen!

And it just infuriates me when I see corruption here. Some of the people that could really make a change here aren't doing it because they are too busy making their money. That sounds so mean, but there's some truth to it. For example, someone donated industrial size washers and dryers to the home. There are 65ish girls and maybe 6 normal-sized washers and 6 dryers. The older girls often wash their clothes by hand. This sweet lady named Ella washes all the younger girls' clothes- she's there 7 days a week. She also cleans my classroom every afternoon (and whenever one of my kids decides to throw their guts up all over the floor! haha) She works so hard, and these huge washers and dryers will make life a lot easier. It took forever to get them here from the states. When they finally got here, it took months for them to come through customs. When they finally reached the home, they'd been stripped. No motors. They're completely useless! They are just sitting at the home taking up space. I don't know how long it will take to get all the parts replaced. And what can you do? The police aren't much help. I wouldn't say all of them are corrupt, but I think many of them will do not so great things if you give them enough money.

There is a transition house right next to where I live. It's a place for the girls to live as they go to college and transition into the "real world." The houses here are all built with walls around them. The walls typically have serpentine wire around the top. Most don't have much, if any, yard. It's usually house, tile around the house, and wall with barbed wire on the top. It's just the way it is. So the transition house had a refrigerator sitting outside their house, but within the wall. Someone broke into the wall one night and stole the motor from the refrigerator. That's it. Didn't try anything else. That's something about living in a place so full of poverty- people have very specific needs. It could have been refrigerator repair person that stole the motor because they needed one! Who knows? They didn't call the police- it didn't even cross their minds, because "it wouldn't do any good." If someone broke into my house, I would call the police first thing!! Even if they didn't do anything. There is a lack of trust here. It's so sad.

I feel like this has been so negative about life here. And there is a lot of negativity. I could go on and on! But there also has to be hope. I believe education is the key. If someone has an education and learns to speak English, they automatically have power. And I hate to keep talking about power, but I don't mean it in a negative way. I mean it in a way that it can make a change. I know several families here, and the husbands actually live and work in the US. Could you imagine? But that's a sacrifice they have decided to make to live the life and dreams they desire. And their children are attending a bilingual school and will hopefully go to college. And they can make a difference here! As long as they don't leave- several of my kids (when I was teaching the middle schoolers) said they wanted to move somewhere else when they finished school. This nation has dealt with incredible hardship. When hurricane Mitch hit in 1998 (i think), it set Honduras back even further. They are still recovering. So pray for this nation. Pray for the people that do have the money and the education and the power- that they will want to make a change. Pray for the people that are trying to make a change- that God would continually give them strength because I know it is NOT easy. Pray for the students at Holy Family Bilingual School- that they will take their education and do something with it to make Honduras a better place. Now I feel like I'm giving a speech, haha. But seriously, I know prayer changes things. I haven't been praying for this nation enough. And I want to do better.

Many days I feel so helpless, like I'm not making a difference at all. Being here with everything I know and love back in the US has really brought out the ugly in me. I have no comfort zones to hide behind. I see how selfish I am and how prideful I am. I fight with it every day! But God is so full of grace and mercy. He has forgiven me of all of it before I even get the words out of my mouth. I am constantly asking Him to help me, help me, help me! And He is faithful to answer. I know He hears all of our prayers. And He's working them all out according to His perfect plan, that I often don't understand at all! :)

A loooong overdue post!

2008-01-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is true...David and I are engaged!!! I went home for a couple of weeks over Christmas. It was so good to be home for a little while, although it was a whirlwind. I spent a few days at home, some time with my grandparents for Christmas, several days in Greensboro, NC with David while he worked at a Campus Crusade conference, and a few days in Columbia. And now I'm back in Honduras! The day he proposed was so special. It was Thursday, January 3- I flew back the following Sunday. It was the first day we had together where it was just the 2 of us and no schedule. We spent the afternoon at Riverfront park. The weather was beautiful, even though it was a little chilly. We stopped by Publix on our way home and got food so we could cook supper together. After supper, we drove about 30 minutes outside of Columbia to the little town of Batesburg. David likes to drive out there at night sometimes and park in front of this church. You can see all the stars and constellations really clearly, and it's so peaceful. We drove out there one time before I left for Honduras, and it was the first time we'd talked about being together for a really long time- so it was a special place for us. We get out there and are sitting on his hood just looking at the stars and talking. I was completely clueless! He steered the conversation around to the topic of us, and all of a sudden I look over and he has a ring in his hand and he is asking me to marry him! I was so shocked and completely speechless. I think all I could do was give him a hug at first- no words would come. And then, of course, I said yes. :) Then we spent probably the next hour soaking up the fact that we are engaged! We drove back to Columbia, and all of his roommates were sitting in the den waiting for us. It was an explosion as soon as we walked in the door. So much fun and a perfect night. I am happy beyond words that David and I will spend our lives together, but it was that much harder to say goodbye early Sunday morning. Thank goodness for skype! We're thinking about getting married next spring. More details to come on all the wedding plans. :)

I don't know why I haven't posted in so long. I think I had so many frustrations that I wasn't quite sure what to write about. The frustrations are still there, but God is transforming my attitude and motivation. I am committed to being here for the year, and I love my kids (even though they drive me crazy sometimes, haha). I don't think my experience is much different from what anyone would experience when moving to a developing country. I think the hardest part for me is not having a church family and close friends here that I connect with spiritually. I see how vital that fellowship and support is. But I've just learned about a church that meets here in San Pedro Sula- made up mostly of American teachers. I've emailed someone about it, and I really hope it's going to be the answer to a lot of prayers. I just have this feeling that the last half of my year here is going to be so good and God is going to do a lot of cool things. I think the first 6 months I was just trying to keep my head above water. Those of you that know me at all know that teaching is such a passion of mine, and it was so disheartening not to be able to teach the way I want to teach because I couldn't speak enough Spanish. I feel a lot more confident in the classroom now, and my relationships with my students have grown. I have a lot of ideas in my head on how to make some changes in my classroom so that it's much more meaningful and authentic. So I'll be giving all those a try over the next few months. It gets me energized just thinking about it! I'm going home for a few days over our spring break in March, and David is flying back with me. I can't wait! We're going to spend several days traveling, and then he'll spend a few days in school with me. It's going to be good times! I'll post more soon (I promise) about the culture here and things that I've learned. The culture shock is finally fading, and I am seeing more of the beautiful and heartbreaking aspects of life here.

I'm going home in 2 weeks!!!!

2007-10-31T16:42:00.000-07:00

and I cannot WAIT! One of my best friends is getting married, and I'm a bridesmaid in the wedding. It's going to be a whirlwind trip- I fly into Greenville late Thursday night and I fly back here early Sunday morning- but it's exactly what I've been needing. I'll get to spend time with my David :) and my family and see my friend get married!! I feel like every time I write on here I'm telling about my latest trial. It has not been an easy 4 months so far, that's for sure. The fungus I talked about last time is pretty much gone now. I ended up having to have blood work done in a lab after going to the clinic several times without getting better. They found out officially that I did have a fungus, so I was prescribed some medicine that I'm still taking. I have a little over a week left. The visa I was given when I came here was a tourist visa- good for 90 days. Our Little Roses hired a lawyer to get a year-long visa for all the volunteers. Otherwise, we would have to leave the country every 3 months to keep our tourist status. I was assured MANY times that this lawyer would have all the paperwork finished before my visa expired- which was on September 30. Well, I have had to make 2 trips to Tegucigalpa to get my visa extended because the lawyer basically hasn't done his work. It expired for the second time yesterday and I can't get another 30 days. My only option is to leave the country for 72 hours. And on top of that, we haven't been able to get in touch with the lawyer! He promised the paperwork for us last Thursday, then last Thursday turned into this Tuesday. Still no paperwork. This is not the first time we haven't been able to get in touch with him or he hasn't come through on his promises. So I'm starting to worry because I'm supposed to go home in 2 weeks- and I'm walking around with an expired visa. Say a prayer that all the paperwork comes through. I don't know how it works to have to leave the country with an expired visa but I'm sure there's $ and a lot of waiting involved. This visa thing has been a big frustration for the last 2 months.

So on a more positive note...I'm still really enjoying my 4 year olds. They are precious. We had to do testing with all our students this week. I do not at all agree with the idea of testing 4 year olds, but I've gone with the flow and my test has just been a conversation with my kids about their name and some math manipulatives (sorry, teacher language). I've only had 6 or 7 kids coming each day this week, and it's been really fun to spend more one on one time with them. I can see their learning, and I can't tell you how EXCITED it makes me. Here are some pictures of them reading- they love reading books as they finish with their snack. The first picture is of a little boy named Lenar. He was tested for leukemia last week, and the test came back negative- thank you Jesus! But he hasn't been back to school yet and we still don't know what's making him sick. So say a prayer for him. He has the most contagious personality and smile. Whenever I ask the kids something, he always always answers. If I say I can't hear everyone and ask the question again, he just yells his answer louder. I love it.

There have been so many frustrations here- as you can see from reading all my entries. Sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is complaining. I've told Jesus a thousand times I don't want to do this anymore. It's too hard. But then I see all the children's faces, and I can't give up. I also need a constant reminder of God's sovereignty. He has a plan and a reason for everything happening here, even if I don't understand it at all. I was reading in Daniel yesterday about when God took King Nebuchadnezzar's power away from him and pretty much sent him to live in the fields like an animal for 7 years because the king refused to acknowledge Him. The king wrote a letter to all the people after the 7 years and realizing that God is the one and only God forever and part of it said this- "He does whatever He thinks best among the hosts of heaven, as well as here among the inhabitants of earth. No one can stop Him or challenge Him, saying, What do you mean by doing these things?" (Daniel 4: 35). This coming from a man who God sent out of his amazing palace to live like a wild animal. I want that kind of trust in God. That's been my prayer lately- that God would increase my faith. I thought this experience would be all flowers and rainbows (cheesy I know but that's what I thought), but the rubber has hit the road and it's not! Not even close! It's really tested my faith and made me take a hard look at myself and what is important to me. I have felt so weak. I've been worried and frustrated about so many things, forgetting that God is God and He loves me and is working out His plan for my life RIGHT NOW. And also forgetting that this is not all about me This is about Him and His glory. So anyway, I'll leave you with that. Thank you so much for all the thoughts and words of encouragement. They mean more to me than I can ever say.

And Happy Halloween!!

It's been awhile!

2007-10-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written anything on here. We had a "Noche Típica" last night at school. All the kids dressed up in traditional clothes, parents served traditional food, and they had dancers. It was really cool to experience it all. These are pics of some of my kids. Aren't they awesome?! Two of mine won the best dressed award for preschool. The boy who won, Lenar, was so proud of himself. We couldn't get Keyla, the girl who won, to give us a smile for anything! The parents started chanting "Kinder, kinder." It was kind of funny. They had a marimba band at the beginning. That was a lot of fun. And I could talk with the parents AND actually understand what they were saying! (kind of) The Spanish isn't fluent yet, but it's becoming a lot more natural for me.

As for the rest of the month...I've had some really, really frustrating moments. There were several times that I seriously wondered if I wanted to stay here for the whole year. I think the hardest thing is that I don't have a spiritual support system here. I've been looking for a church or at least ONE person that I can talk with and pray with, but I seem to keep coming to a dead end. Teaching is going pretty well. Although there are still frustrations with the language, I love my 4 year olds. It's definitely a learning experience every day. As for the middle schoolers...let's just say they've been a MUCH bigger challenge. I gave them a math test last week, and not a single person passed it! Talk about feeling like I've failed them as their teacher. We're going to be revisiting all that stuff next week, for sure. I noticed a little bit of a rash on my stomach last week. I've been to the clinic a couple times since then, and I basically have a fungus on my skin. Gross, right??!! The doctor told me he sees it a lot with the girls in the home, so I may have gotten it from one of them. I've been using this cream on it every day, but it seems to still be spreading. So please pray that I would be healed of it! It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just not such a great feeling to know I have fungus growing on my skin. On one of my really down days, my mom sent me a link to Beth Moore's blog (this lady that writes a lot of books and Bible studies for women). This is what it said-

God has made us certain promises that we will only see fulfilled on the other side of a demanding climb. We're going to have to sweat this one out and feel the burn in our limbs but the reward is going to be "great." There is something God wants to give you, Beloved, but He's purposely requiring tremendous perseverance from you in order for you to have what it takes to receive it rightly. Humbly. You will need ENDURANCE to do His will in this particular situation. It will not come easy because it's too good to come cheap.

In order to try to stop you, Satan is attacking your confidence. Making you feel stupid. Ill-equipped. Or just plain ill. DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE. Without Christ you can do nothing but, with Him, you are capable of things you've never dreamed. All surpassing power abides in your jar of clay. Do not shrink back. The God of the Universe looked the world over and found you.

Good stuff. It couldn't have come at a better time. I've started reading the blog some since then. It's really good and kind of funny sometimes- http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/.

So I guess that's it for now! I miss all of you so much and think of you all the time. Please continue praying for me. This is harder than I ever could have imagined. I just have to keep trusting in Jesus. Without Him, I could not do this. Love y'all! :)

My kids!!!

2007-09-08T09:02:00.001-07:00

We only had 2 days of school last week due to hurricane Felix. It caused some devastation in Nicaragua and along the coast, but San Pedro Sula just had a little flooding. Thank you for the prayers, and definitely keep praying for those that were affected. We were told Thursday afternoon that school was canceled on Friday, but then it was called back on later Thursday night. Welcome to Honduras! :) Only 10 (out of 27) kids came yesterday. It was great! Here is a link with some pics of them:

http://scarolina.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2162883&l=aad21&id=12629092

And here's my mailing address (for letters and small packages only). I have a kind of big box of children's books I want sent down here- my mom called DHL to see how much it would cost to ship and it was going to be $700! Ridiculous!! So they're going to be shipped down here just a few at a time...

Our Little Roses Ministries
Hunter Feemster
2227 NW 79th Avenue
Doral, FL 33122-1615

Also, I got this thing through yahoo that will let me listen to the Clemson games live over the internet, but I have to use Internet Explorer for it to work. I have a Mac and Explorer isn't available to download for Macs. Any computer people out there that know how to get around this? GO TIGERS!!!

First day of school and Hurricane Felix

2007-09-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

I had my first day of teaching ever yesterday! And it was a little crazy. :) This is a picture of my classroom one of the first times I saw it. It looks a little different now. Don't you just love the care bears mural?? I'm teaching 4 year olds from 8-12 and then math to 7th and 8th graders in the afternoons. Everything was good with my little ones. It was chaotic, but I expected that on the first day. I started out with 22 kids, but I now have 27! Only 10 or so of those were in the 3 year old class last year. I had 3 criers yesterday, and they were all new. I'm excited for us to get into a rhythm in the room and with each other. It's going to be a lot of fun. But I already know that I want to work with older kids in the states- hopefully 1st or 2nd grade. These kids are precious, but I can only take so much of helping 27 kids go to the bathroom and clean up spilled drinks. Someone said that working with this age group is like trying to herd a bunch of cats. I think that's a pretty accurate statement! But I still love these kids and can't wait to see how much we learn together over this next year. The day was going fine until parents started coming to pick up the kids. A mom came to get her son, and he was not in our room! We didn't remember seeing him all day, but the mother insisted she sent him with my assistant. To make a long story short, he ended up in the 3 year old class all day. But it was horrible. I don't often get panicked, but I thought I was going to have a panic attack yesterday! I was running around looking for him everywhere while my assistant was trying to get the kids ready to go. At one point we had the principal and director of the whole ministry down there looking for him. All I could think was, this is my first day of teaching and somehow I've managed to lose a child! I could have cried out of happiness when they found him. We also discovered that the kindergarten class had one of my kids all day (whose name was not even on my roll). Chaos and disorganization...I had to rush upstairs to teach 7th grade math after that. I never thought I'd say this, but I really enjoyed working with the middle schoolers. The classes are really small so I'll get to know the kids really well. I've never worked with middle school before though, so I'll definitely learn a lot as I go.

And hurricane Felix is coming! When I last checked, it was going to hit Nicaragua kind of hard and should weaken considerably by the time it gets to Honduras. School has already been canceled today and tomorrow. We will get some rain today, but the bulk of it will probably come Wednesday. I think it will be fine, but please pray for safety! I'm still a little nervous. We have candles, flashlights, and buckets of water ready. I'll keep you posted if things change!

Plans change (again) and now I'm teaching little kids!

2007-08-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

So I got an email from the principal of the school last week saying that one of the preschool teachers told her they couldn't teach this year and she wanted to talk to me about taking the spot. To make a long story short, I am now teaching Kinder- which is like pre-kindergarten in the states!! They're only in school from 8-11...so I'm also teaching math to 7th and 8th graders in the afternoons. I'm really excited about it! It will be a complete change in thinking to go from 4 and 5 year olds to 7th and 8th graders every day, but it's going to be great. We had our first day of training today, and I got to meet the rest of the teachers in the school. It was so good to meet them. We'll have training the rest of this week, spend next week working in our rooms, and school starts the following week on September 3rd. I can't wait to meet my students. The kinder kids don't speak much English, but I'll have an assistant who is fluent in English and Spanish. Her name is Diana, and she is really sweet. I think working with the young kids is going to help me pick up on more Spanish FAST so I can communicate with them.

And I'm still figuring out my apartment...a couple weeks ago I heard this noise on the roof. It sounded like a little dog walking around and whining, but I knew that's not what it was. I finally figured out that it's pigeons living in the crawl space between the top of the building and the actual roof, and there's a babies nest up there too. I can here the little babies whining- they're whining right now as I type. Sometimes it sounds like they're chasing each other up there. When they really start moving around it makes little bits of dirt fall between the cracks of my ceiling tiles. I also found out we have termites! There's a sheet draped across the ceiling above my bed and I assumed it was to keep geckos from falling on you while you were sleeping. But no, it catches the termite droppings. So I'm actually not sure if it's dirt or termite droppings that fall when the pigeons start running. If I ever feel lonely, at least I have pigeons, termites, and geckos to keep me company. :)

I went to Tela again this weekend, and the weather was BEAUTIFUL. I went with some of the girls from the transition home and it was so relaxing. We did nothing but sit out on the beach and that is my kind of trip. I love being so close to the beach!

Tres leche is my favorite!

2007-08-06T20:35:00.001-07:00

Tres leche is a favorite dessert here. It's this really moist cake made with milk and a kind of whipped cream icing. I've had it a few times since I've been here. I had it tonight for dessert- amazing!! Another volunteer got in about a week ago and the 2 of us ate supper tonight next door at the transition home for Our Little Roses. It's a place for the girls to live while they're in college and kind of transitioning into the real world. Right now there are only 2 other volunteers here. There's a girl named April and a guy named David. They're both older, probably 40's. David is from Canada. April is from the US but has lived in a lot of places while working in the Peace Corps. Two more volunteers (both women) are coming the middle of this month. One has been a teacher for over 20 years and I don't know much about the other one. And that's it! 5 volunteers this year- last year they had 9 or 10, and they were all around my age. I think I'll be the youngest one this year. I've really been missing hanging out with girls my age, so I was excited to get to know the girls next door a little more tonight. They seem like a lot of fun.

So it's official...I'm teaching 6th grade! I was so frustrated about it at first, but I'm really getting excited about it now. 3 girls from the home will be in my class. I think I'll have about 15 students total- the rest come from the community. Every time someone asks me what grade I'm teaching, I tell them and the names of the 3 girls that I'll have and their comment always is "good luck!" But I'm not intimidated. :) I know it's going to be hard, but I can't wait to get to know my students and see this community develop in our class. I'm ready for school to start now, but it's not until the beginning of September.

The director of the home, Diana, asked me today if I had any really frustrating moments yet. I told her that I've had lots of learning opportunities! haha We had an interesting one last week. One morning our water stopped working completely in the apartment. They have a couple of tanks for when this happens, but we had a hard time figuring out how the pump worked. We finally got it working, so I was going to take a quick shower. The water was brown! I'm not sure if it made me cleaner or dirtier. I actually had to clean the floor of my shower that night. It was gross. I just kept telling myself that at least I had a shower and running water. So the plumbers came out later that day and told us one of the tanks on the roof was missing it's lid (who knows for how long)- that's where the water from my shower came from so I was bathing in the dirt of Honduras!! And there's a lot of dirt here. Then the plumbers discovered that the city had put a block in our water pipe that kept us from getting water. We have no idea why- the bill was paid- so we just took the block out and we were good to go! Who knows...

I have loved getting to know the girls better. There are almost 70 girls here, so it's impossible to get to know them all. But there are several that I'm especially getting to know. I know y'all want to see pictures, but I've been really cautious about taking pictures of them. There are people in and out of here all the time for short-term missions, taking Spanish, etc. so the girls are always having their pictures taken. The girls are also slow to really let down their walls because of the people coming and going. Every girl I met asked me first thing when I was leaving. Here are a couple pics of the girls. They are so beautiful! I still have frustrating moments with the language barrier, but I'm falling in love with them! (This is- me and Jackie, Fanny, Melissa and me and Marta)

Lessons from Honduras

2007-07-25T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've definitely had some frustrating moments here, but I can look back now and laugh about them. Here are a few things I've learned...

Don't eat it unless it's been peeled and/or cooked.

Gatorade and saltines can sustain you for several days at a time.

Be careful where you walk- horses, cows, and cars all share the same road.

Lanes are optional, speed limits are suggestions, potholes are large and numerous, seatbelts are rare.

After a few days of the same water bottle and it starts to smell funny- time to get a new one.

"It'll get done tomorrow" is code for "It may get done tomorrow but I'd give it a week or more."

When you're served fish that still looks like it could be swimming in the ocean (complete with eyeballs and everything) it's ok- cover the eyeball with a tortilla and think of all the protein you're getting from the meat.

The chirping sound you hear above your head at night is not birds- it's geckos chasing each other on the walls. And they don't bite.

Be selective when hailing a taxi. Some of them are in pretty bad shape and doors may fly open without warning. And always negotiate the price first thing.

I'm sure I'll have lots more to add to that list throughout the year!

I completely forgot to write yesterday about the highlight of my beach trip! We were walking around some shops Sunday afternoon, and I was wearing a Clemson t-shirt. All of a sudden I hear this voice say "Go Tigers!"- in the middle of a tiny beach town in Honduras. I look up and there are 2 guys sitting on a bench. Turns out one of them is from Greenville and is about to start grad school at Clemson in the fall. I was jump-out-of-my-skin excited! Clemson IS a worldwide phenomenon.

Two weekends ago I went to Copan where there are a lot of Mayan ruins. We had such a great time! They have these little things called "toot toots" to get around. They're kind of a cross between a golf cart and a go-cart. We got to know them really well. We spent Saturday morning walking around the ruins. They were so amazing to see and think about all the people that used to live there. We had an awesome guide named Juan. I think he had a mild case of ADD- he couldn't be still for more than 5 seconds- but I've never seen someone so passionate about history. We felt like we got the backstage tour with lots of extra bits of info. I got his first and last name because I think David's coming here for several days in the spring and I want him to be our guide again!

We decided to do a horse ride through the mountains on Saturday afternoon. It sounded so picturesque and fun- and it was- but it was also the most interesting part of the trip...we arrived just outside of town where the horses were tied up. They helped us hop on and we headed out- no instructions, ideas about where we were going, nothing- just let's go! I quickly realized that I had the stubborn and moody horse of the group. She was much more interested in eating the grass along the road than following the other horses. She also liked to snap at all the other horses when they got too close to her. At one point she turned around and started going in the opposite direction. It didn't matter what I did or said- she did what she wanted to do. Eventually the guide had to take the reigns and lead her up the mountain. Despite my stubborn horse, who I nicknamed "donkey," we got to the top and stopped at a little bed and breakfast- absolutely breathtaking view of the mountains. We walked around a little and took lots of pictures and then got back on our horses. I thought we were going to head back down but the guide took us up an even steeper mountain- despite the gathering rain clouds. We got to the top of that mountain where there was a little village. It was definitely a poor area and lots of the kids came up to our horses trying to sell us things. I struggle in these kind of situations trying to figure out "what would Jesus do." I don't want to just hand them $ unless I know it's truly going to be helpful for them. And I don't want to just hand them $ and leave. I either want to build a relationship with them or give to someone who does have a relationship with them and knows the best way to help. It breaks my heart when I know something needs to be done but I don't know what. We stayed there for a little while and it started to rain. We began back down the mountain and the drizzle turned into a hard rain. Luckily, I had a poncho in my bag so I put it on. Unfortunately no one else in the group had one and it POURED for a good 30 minutes as we rode back down the mountain- on steep dirt roads with big ruts and drop-offs on both sides. At one point we passed this little outdoor "restaurant" and they were playing Louis Armstrong. That was surreal. But we made it down! I was soaked from my knees to my toes and everyone else was just completely soaked. We were glad to get back to hotel and take a shower. We went to this bird park on Sunday morning. It sounds like no fun, I know, but it was actually really cool. We got to see a lot of beautiful birds and hold some of them. They also grew and roasted there own coffee beans. It smelled AMAZING and I bought some. We came back late Sunday afternoon. They showed a movie on the bus- English movie dubbed over in Spanish with English subtitles. It's not quite the same as just seeing a movie in English. :) It really was such a fun weekend. Looking back, I'm so glad we rode the horses. That may have been a once in a lifetime experience. Here's a pic from the trip. If you want to see more you can go to this link- http://scarolina.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2150726&l=11335&id=12629092

Sorry this post was so long!! :)

To avoid uncomfortable odors...

2007-07-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I just had to post this. I went to Tela this weekend with people from my Spanish class, and this is how we started our trip. Tela is a beach about 1 1/2 hours from San Pedro Sula. This sign was posted outside the bathroom on our bus- where the 4 of us were the only passengers! Kind of funny to have a big charter bus all to ourselves. It was an AWESOME trip. We got there and had already made reservations at a hotel called Maya Vista. It's this 6 or 7 story bed and breakfast perched on a hill that looks out over the beach. There was a mix up with the rooms, but luckily the manager spoke some English and we got it worked out. I have learned SO much Spanish but I'm still dangerous when you send me out on my own. :) We spent all day Saturday at the beach- rented a canopy and chairs for about $2/person for the whole day. The weather was perfect and the beach bum in me was very happy. The roof of our hotel was an open deck, so we watched the sunset from there. We did some shopping and had a little more beach time on Sunday before we headed back here. The internet at my apartment has been out for about a week and a half, but it was back up when I got in on Sunday night! That was a perfect end to the weekend. I feel so much more isolated when I don't have internet.

Click here for more Tela pictures- http://scarolina.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2150821&l=edbc7&id=12629092

And everything else that's been going on...

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. I was without internet and I've had some really hard days just getting adjusted and stuff. This is such an awesome experience God is giving me but it is HARD. It's one thing to go to another country for a week, but to go to another country for a year is a whole different ballgame. God is teaching me so much about loving Him and trusting His plan. I talked to the principal about a week ago, and she has me teaching 7th and 8th grade. ME teaching middle school kids. Anyone who knows me at all knows I LOVE little kids and have NO experience teaching older kids. I had to fight back tears sitting there in her office. I tried to explain to her that my experience was with young children and that's what I'd been led to believe I would be doing, but the decision had already been made. Since then, she's told me she may move me to 6th grade. I can't tell you how upset I was at first. I found out on my birthday! That was the day after I moved into my apartment and it was so dirty and my toilet didn't work. Then my internet went out that night too. Not the best day of my life. :) But I've prayed about it and thought about it a lot since then. This is completely out of my control, and I have to trust that it's God's plan and His plan is good. The older kids here know more English because they've been in school longer, so I'm sure they'll be able to help me more with my Spanish. And that will help me be able to communicate more with the girls in the afternoons. That's been another frustration of mine- feeling so intimidated by the language barrier. A lot of the girls know a little English (especially the older ones), but some of them don't know any. I'm great at some broken Spanglish, but I feel so shy around them. I want to love on these girls so badly and it is getting better. The more I put myself out there, the easier it becomes. I have this book by Brennan Manning and God has spoken to me through it SO much over the last couple weeks. The other day I was reading and this is what it said- "If God tears up your beautiful game plan and leads you into a valley instead of onto a mountaintop, it is because He wants you to discover His plan, which is more beautiful than anything you or I could have dreamed up. The response of trust is 'thank you, Jesus' even if it is said through clenched teeth." I've definitely had some clenched teeth lately!! But trusting God has become so much more real to me now- it's all I have to cling to in this place that is so far away from all that I know and love. There have definitely been some tears. And I've ached so bad to be back in Columbia. But God has led me through it all. I know He is in control, even in those moments when I'm wondering "what in the world am I doing here??" This is not going to be easy, but it's going to be something I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. So all that complaining to say that I am settling in here. It's still a roller coaster of emotions, but I love being with these girls. I love learning about the culture. And I'm so excited about becoming fluent in Spanish. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers! I'm actually about to go see Harry Potter with the girls tonight. I have much more to talk about to I'll definitely be posting again soon!

Here's a link to more pictures from San Pedro Sula- http://scarolina.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2150846&l=2f2ba&id=12629092

Hasta luego!

Sorry for the lack of posts!!

2007-07-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written anything lately. The internet at my apartment has been down for almost a week now- it should be up in the next couple days. I've been using the internet at school but just for limited amounts of time. This week has been really hard at times adjusting and stuff but also good. I just got back from a weekend in Copan seeing the Mayan ruins. I had a GREAT time. Once my internet is back up, I'll write all about it and post my pictures from the trip, as well as everything that's been going on here! Thanks for all the birthday wishes and cards. I'm still catching up on email but you'll be hearing from me soon. :) Love y'all!!

Language school and Our Little Roses

2007-07-02T17:24:00.000-07:00

This was my first day of language school and seeing the orphanage. I love it!! Our teacher- Ariel- is great. He's really laid back and is helping us see Spanish in comparison to what we know about English. I have a LONG way to go but I learned so much in just a few hours. We walked around Holy Family Bilingual School- where I will be teaching. I got to see what could possibly be my classroom when school starts in September! We also walked around the orphanage- Ministerios Nuestras Pequenas Rosas and got to eat lunch with the girls. They are absolutely beautiful. I briefly talked with a couple of them, but my Spanish is still so limited. I can't wait to start building relationships with them. When we first walked through, a bunch of them were sitting in the tv room watching the Cartoon Network in Spanish. :) I can't believe how much American influence is here. On the way to Our Little Roses we passed Burger King, Quizno's, Subway, KFC, Office Depot, Payless, Popeye's, Church's Chicken, and more! On Saturday night, we went to the mall here and ate at the foodcourt- it was called "City Mall," and it also had a lot of American food places. I chose to eat at an authentic Spanish place and I didn't get sick! But I know I'll get sick at some point.

We walked to church yesterday at a nearby Episcopal cathedral. It is where all of the girls at the orphanage go as well, but they were at the lake for the weekend. I don't really know anything about the Episcopal church, so it was interesting to experience the service. It was entirely in Spanish- so I didn't get much out of the sermon. I did pick up on some words when we were singing songs typed in the bulletin or reading prayers in their book of prayers. I love that I'm immersed in Spanish because I know it will help me pick it up so much faster.

Please pray for boldness for me to step out and get to know the people and the culture here. I know I've only been here for a couple of days, and I've learned a lot, but I'm still so timid about putting myself out there. Thanks again for all of your prayers and words of encouragement.

Here are some pictures of the school, "la cancha" (the court where the girls play outside), the mountain view from our backyard, and the porch with my favorite hammock swing- where I've already taken several naps!

I made it!

2007-06-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm in Honduras! My flights went smoothly, my luggage came with me, but there was a little mix up at the airport as far as meeting up with the person to take me to Our Little Roses. First of all, I was waiting in the wrong place- oops! Apparently the directions I was given were incorrect. And...the driver was looking for a boy. He assumed that Hunter was a boy's name (not the first time that's happened!) and no one thought to tell him otherwise. :) But we met up and everything worked out fine. I'm actually staying at what's called the "Hospitality House" right now- where people stay when they come here for shorter amounts of time just to visit or go to the language school. Next week, I'll move to the volunteer apartments which will be my home for the year. No one else is staying there this weekend, so we thought it would be best if I didn't spend my first few nights in otherwise empty apartments. It is beautiful here! There is a porch that overlooks the mountains- complete with two hammocks. And there's also a pool. I'm happy to be here for a few days! I absolutely love the atmosphere- completely laid back and so comfortable. When we were driving from the airport, I was trying to soak it all in. I am excited that I this is my home for the next year, and I get to learn all about this place and the people and the culture. God is good!

Thanks so much for all of your prayers! I miss everyone but I think this is going to be an awesome adventure. I'll try to put some pictures up soon.

First thoughts...

2007-06-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

This is my first time ever writing a blog, and it's kind of weird to post my thoughts for the world to see. I'm BEYOND excited about this next year, living and teaching in Honduras. I'm going to miss everyone so much, but I can't wait to see what God's going to do while I'm gone. I hope this will help me keep in touch with everyone and you can see a little of what I'm up to. There'll be more to come!